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A close friend and her husband had just completed their first adoption. They adopted a beautiful girl domestically that was part Korean. At her baby shower I had the privilege of holding her daughter. As I held her sleeping baby a love welled up in my heart that I never knew you could feel, it was overwhelming. It was like being a conduit of a love that neither began with me or ended with her, it was above and beyond.
In pondering serious life decisions I’ve found it very helpful to consult with those whom you respect and get their perspective on the options before you. As I contemplated adopting a child I approached the decision which the deepest sense of gravity I have ever known. My sister and brother-in-law are the pastors of my church. In talking it over the possibility of adopting with them, my sister said something that stuck with me. She said that she could not imagine me looking back over my life at it's end having never been a mom. She was right, that was unthinkable. I checked out tons of books from the library about adoption and had them all piled around my bed. I wrestled with the Lord for almost two years. I didn’t realize it before, but I had quite a narrow mindset about what it meant to be a Christian and be a mom. Although I had not been conscious of it before, I now had to face a whole world of perfectionism I had erected in my mind. I thought that the ideal was to stay at home to raise children, have a white picket fence, make all your food from scratch (preferably grown in your organic garden), and home school your children or have the money to put them in a private Christian school. And there definitely needed to be a dad! The idea of a single, working mom with a child in daycare was truly outside of anything I could think of God wanting anyone to do. As I read more about the situation of orphans around the world I slowly began to realize that there was a lot of things I had not taken into consideration. With every argument and concern I came up with I felt that God kept reminding me of the same thing: that having a single, working mother who knew Him was better than being in an orphanage. I was terrified about the finances, time and energy it would take to be able to parent a child alone. And yet I really began to come to an understanding that however substandard a situation I could provide, it would actually be a huge improvement for a child who had no one. At least I could love them with all my heart and be sure they got three warm meals a day. I began looking back and realizing that this all fit into things that the Lord had been doing in my heart for a long time.

I experienced the paradigm shift which you may remember me sharing before. I never realized all of these preconceived notions ruled my mind, but they did. One day I my thinking was transformed. I had always clung to a verse in Psalms 68:6 that says, "God sets the solitary in families." Feeling very solitary, I kept waiting and hoping that God was going to set me in a family with a husband and children. As I was praying about adoption I felt like God spoke to me one day and said, "You are the family, and I will set the solitary in you." It really turned my perspective around and I realized I could be the family someone needs.