Thrill of Victory, Agony of Defeat

We had a fantastic weekend. It really felt like a breakthrough, even though we didn't know we needed one. I've been so happy with how well Abbey has done and so thankful for how we've bonded, so it's hard to explain how it improved but I'll try... Somehow she seemed more relaxed and secure. I was shocked when she was playing with her dollhouse and I walked from the living room into the kitchen to get something and she didn't fuss or run after me. That has never happened. She has always stayed within a couple of feet of me. It happened several more times through the weekend. It was like she finally believed that I am really not going anywhere without her. She also started trying to say a lot more things and use a lot more jargon. On Sunday she called out "Mama" in the car and I turned around and she was trying to give me a piece of her quesidilla. She has been saying "mamamamama" and patting me all along, but this was the first time that she really called me by name. It was so wonderful. My heart just soared! She's doing it several times a day now and it's just so thrilling. She also said "eye" this weekend and pointed to her eye and she said "boom-boom" coming down the stairs. She said "ball" over the weekend and the past few days she has said "bird" and "baby". Her "more" is getting better too. I know it all sounds so small, but in my heart it's like she aced her SAT's or constructed an Egyptian pyramid. So I was just floating along on cloud nine until my week really got started. Monday morning I came out to the car to find a little light on in the back seat that I never knew existed. It's right above her car seat and evidently she's aware of it. Fortunately my car started. Next came Black Tuesday. Monday night she really wouldn't eat her dinner. Later she was up during the night and ended up in bed with me. This hasn't happened in about 3 months. We were both short an 1 1/2 to 2 hrs. sleep when we headed out in the morning. I was carrying a lot of things out to the car with us when she stopped in her tracks and decided she wanted to be carried. I tried to scoop her up and she went over backwards and hit her head on the concrete. I was terrified and headed out to drive her towards the hospital and her daycare which are both right next to each other, trying to decide what to do as I drove. She seemed okay but very "un-chipper". I was able to call the doctor and they said that if I wasn't seeing the symptoms they listed that I didn't need to bring her in. I was so overwhelmed all day and kept calling her daycare, where thankfully she was dancing and doing puzzles. Alot of people shared with me that these things happen, but it is so awful to feel like you've failed in keeping your child safe. Oh, but it wasn't over. The next morning we went out to the car and while I was putting everything in she managed to hit the auto door lock without me knowing it. I put her in her seat with a huge fluffy coat on, shut the door and went around the car to get in. I can't tell you how I felt when I realized what had happened. She was locked in the car with my phone and my house keys. Incredibly my neighbor, whom I never see in the morning, came out to her garage. She stayed with Abbey and let me run in her house to call 911. The fire department sent a truck. They got there in about 2 minutes and got the door open really quickly. Abbey was smiling and waving at them. For the second day in a row I had to call the principal and explain why I would be late. I've really struggled this week with feeling so incompetent. If you are wanting to flame me, don't bother... you couldn't possibly be harder on me than I have been on myself. I know I won't be making those same mistakes again, but I am afraid of what other things I could do. I am so grateful to God that she wasn't hurt and that people were there to help me. So we had some mountain high peaks over the weekend and came crashing down to the valley this week.