cherry blossom baby

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but desire fulfilled is a tree of life." Proverbs 13:12 Join the joyous journey to my baby in China!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Reflections of a New Mom

Well this is probably going to be pretty sappy, but I can't help myself. I am so in love with my baby that my heart is ready to burst. This has been the most wonderful time of my life and I am just savoring every moment. It is very hard for me to let her go to sleep, and I have to force myself to get things done during that time because I want to just sit and stare at her, which I do plenty of. I can't believe all the obstacles that got in the way of me coming to her, but I just thank God every moment that I made it. I cannot fathom what I would have missed and lost if I had given up along the way. Part of me feels this strange need to try to hide her and not let anyone here see how wonderful and adorable she is because they would all want to keep her. I keep thinking that someone didn't realize that she is the crown jewel of China and now I am leaving the country with her. They have no clue the great treasure I am leaving with, my Bao Bei!
She has been really sick for a few days with bronchitis and I hate hearing her struggle to breathe with all the phlem and the rattle in her tiny little rib cage. The clinic here in the hotel has been very good and they are giving her special antibiotics and expectorants. She is so incredibly good natured. She loves and appreciates everything and is delighted with anything from a straw to a cracker. If I need to talk to someone or am shopping she just waits happily. She is acting a lot younger that she is. When I first got her she was like a wet noodle and just stayed laying wherever I plopped her. As she has gotten over the grieving and the sheer terror that she must have felt, she has come out of her shell. There were many things I wasn't sure if she could do or not, such as getting from laying to sitting by herself, sitting to standing, and walking. She can do all these things but really wants to be treated like a baby for now, and that is fine with me because that phase will be over all to soon. In the playroom I challenge her a little just so that I can see what she can do. I will crawl away and she will crawl after me. She likes to be right near me at all times. She likes to get in the little baby swing and suck her three knuckles. She sees all the other toddlers running around and drinks it all in with her eyes, but she isn't ready yet emotionally. Everyday she shows me a little more of what she is really capable of, but I secretly am enjoying her baby mode too and love carrying her around. We learn new things everyday. She had never eaten before, bottle only. We began with Gerber fruit puffs that melt in your mouth and went on from there. She learned how to swallow, and then how to chew. After a few days she began putting the food in her mouth herself and loves everything I give her. Now we are working on not stuffing to much in her mouth. She only weighs 21 lbs at 18 months. At first she didn't touch her bottle, I held it all the time and wept inside that no one had ever done that for her. One day while I was getting things ready she grabbed her bottle and held it in her mouth, like she always had to do at the orphanage, but she much prefers me to do it. The first time I fed her she tried to look away and was avoiding eye contact that first day, so I decided I would only hold the bottle where she had to look in my eyes, now she loves that. She looks at me all the time the way I look at her, like "I can't believe my good fortune that I have you." She is just drinking in the love and plumping up like a sponge. I will tell you all the heartbreak of the orphanage later, but on the trip back from there she really began to come alive. She began giggling and playing with me and went on for hours. We were mimicking and mirroring each other and she thought that was so funny. She waved bye-bye for the first time and seemed as amazed that her arm and hand could do that as I was. She loves being tickled, bounced on my knee and lowered back. She is in awe of This Little Piggy and Patty Cake. The day I got her she was very stinky and had never had a real bath. She still has dirt caked in her ears that I haven't gotten out yet. I tried to set her on the counterand do a sponge bath with the sink. She was terrified and screamed. The next day I got into the bath tub with her and it was still pretty traumatic. The next time she cried at first but then slowly stuck one pinky out to touch the bubbles and stacking cups. She tried to act like she was still afraid but I could tell she was starting to love it. Today she was so happy to play with her cups. We only use them in the bath so that is a special treat. She still doesn't like me rinsing her hair, but I think it's because I need to improve my technique. I had been just dumping cups of water on her head, today I tried leaning her back at the suggestion of another mom, and that was better but I still have room for lots of improvement. I really felt like a mom while crawling around her crib at night trimming her finger and toenails as she slept. It seemed like I should receive some kind of new mom badge I earned. I was so afraid to clip her skin and couldn't really see that well, but thankfully I did not hurt her. I've also been consulting with moms about medicine administration techniques. It was a lot easier the time I got another gal to help me, but most of the time I am trying to pin her down by myself. We both end up covered in pink syrup which really isn't a problem because it looks and smells better than all the other food that is now on my clothes all the time. I am always thinking she won't forgive me after these episodes but as soon as it's over she is happy with me again. I have not succeeded in brushing her teeth and without heavy equipment there is no way to pry her mouth open. I am open to all input and really want to get going on this. Hopefully the pediatric dentist can help me. Because she's been on the bottle all this time and never had her teeth wiped off they bleed the first time I tried. They are very cute little white teeth. I thought she had an underbite at the first few days, but it was part of the tears and sticking her lower jaw out.
Some of you knew the dire warnings I was given about her after my referral. They couldn't have been further from the truth. She is so smart! I now see why the orphanage described her as clever. All the agony I had over her cognitive abilities should have been energy better directed on how to keep up with a bright child. I think when her personality is fully unleashed she will be giving mommy a real run for her money. She's already as sharp as a tack and voraciously acquiring new tricks. The orphanage did tell me that she doesn't talk yet, just baby talk. She has the sweetest little oohs and ahhs you've ever heard. It's my favorite sound in the whole world. The other day while in a very good post tylenol dose mood she wispered Zhuozhuo to herself and then Gene said hello to her and she said hello back. It was so cute! I haven't heard any other words yet but we play silly sound games back and forth with each other all the time. Again, it's just fine with me to let this unfold slowy because I just delight in every new step and don't want it to happen to fast, let's drag the fun out as long as we can. I haven't called her Abbey yet and really don't know when I will. She likes her name ZZ and responds to it and I love it too. We can add Abbey on later but we both like her sweet little name. It's pronounced j-wa j-wa. It is unusal and very elegant. It means outstanding or excellent. She has huge eyes for a Chinese baby. Her lashes are so beautiful it looks like she has on eye-liner. Okay, enough! I am sure you all are sick of hearing me brag about my baby, I am a lost cause. I wish I could post all the adorable pictures but I don't know how to use this Mac laptop and Gene went to Hong Kong for a few days. Once we get home and get our nights and days turned around I will go back and post things from the trip that I haven't had time to write about and give you tons of photos. It takes about 30 minutes here to get 4 photos up and all the best ones are on Gene's equipment, not mine.
With a heart of thanksgiving like never before, Thank you God for my baby girl!!

58 Comments:

  • At 12:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    It's wonderfull to read about you and your baby!!!
    I love how you tell about her and yourself.
    Every time I get excited when I see that you wrote and this time it was a great long story, thank you!

    So glad that you are happy, Leontien

     
  • At 2:34 AM, Blogger Amy said…

    Hey Sweetie!!! FANTASTIC TO READ EVERYTHING YOU'VE WRITTEN!!! (It's 5:20am here) I was up for a bathroom run & thought to myself " I bet there's an update on my little friend ZZ..." AND LO & BEHOLD THERE WAS! I am beyond THRILLED to hear how wonderfully you two sound for one another & I have a bit of advice about the tooth brushing issue... Ruby was similar in that, she did NOT want me sticking anything in her mouth, period. So, I would give her the little tooth brush I brought for her, bring her in the bathroom, let her sit on the floor while holding her brush AS I BRUSHED MY TEETH so she could watch. At first she just played with the tooth brush & didn't attempt to put it in her mouth, HOWEVER, eventually, she thought "hey, I can do that too..." and started putting the brush in her mough to clean her own teeth. Now, little babies (she was only 14 months old at the time...) clearly don't properly brush their teeth, but at least she wasn't afraid of that thing in her mouth! Once I was done brushing my teeth, she'd see that I'd rinse & have a sip of water etc... (bottled water) so it got to the point that, she wanted the water too, and I'd give her a sip as long as she let me gently go once over her teeth with the brush first. It was a rough go at first but now we both brush our teeth together, every day, without fail, in the bathroom and always TOGETHER! And same deal still to this day... if she wants that sip of water, she lets me do a once over to be sure her teeth are all clean and then I take the brush & trade her for the water cup, she's thrilled to get it too! =) (not only cuz she probably wants a drink but water = BRUSHING TIME IS OVER) and she's learned that! Also, another trick is to have TWO children size toothbrushes... let her hold one to PLAY with & distract her while you use the other to brush her little teeth. Good luck hon! YOU'RE DOING AMAZING, MOM! Ruby & I are going to get to work on a nice 'Mom's Badge' for your return! ;)

    HAVE FUN IN THE SWAN ROOM! (miss that plce) AND KISS THAT GORGEOUS DAUGHTER OF YOURS FOR US BOTH!

    Love & hugs,

    -Amy & Ruby Cate

    If you have any specific questions, you can shoot me an email, k?

     
  • At 2:49 AM, Blogger Unknown said…

    Oh, I just can't wait to meet her! You are doing an amazing job. You are taking to motherhood like a duck to water. All those instincts just kicked in. Amy has a good idea about the toothbrushing. If she is copying everything you do, then let her watch you brush your teeth. Make sure she has the softest toothbrush available for those poor little gums.

    Caroline was very sick with bronchitis too. They gave us little packets of amoxicillan and told us to use 4/5ths of the package. The package was about the size of a Sweet N Low so we just poured the whole thing into her bottle knowing that she would only get about 4/5ths anyway. This way she didn't know she was getting medicine and just drank it down! It worked and she was much better by the time we got home.

    I also thought Caroline had an underbite, but it has corrected itself. I came to find out through another friend who adopted 2 Chinese girls, that it is common due to facial structure and will often correct itself.

    Brag away about her! We love it!

     
  • At 3:33 AM, Blogger dawn said…

    Christi.....you are a mama. It is so wonderful to read all about ZZ and hear you gush. It is the best feeling in the world and it consumes every fibre of your being so you should be proud. SHe is beautiful....and now so happy.

     
  • At 3:35 AM, Blogger Special K said…

    Thanks for sharing this. I love to hear these stories and the advice for all of us waiting moms is priceless. Brag away Mom... you and Abbey both deserve it.

     
  • At 4:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'm so happy for you!

     
  • At 5:23 AM, Blogger Deb said…

    Thanks for sharing such a wonderful entry of your new life with Abbey. She is just precious and we are so happy for you!

     
  • At 5:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    It may not be what doctor's recommend, but I ended up putting Katie's meds in her bottle with just a little milk/formula and letting her drink that up, then added the rest of her formula. She was so traumatized by me putting syringes of NASTY tasting medicine in her mouth, I couldn't stand it anymore. By adding to her bottle, she didn't taste it and drank it all up. I still give her all her liquid medicines this way.

     
  • At 6:08 AM, Blogger Joannah said…

    I love this post, Christi!!! I'm so happy that you're having so many moments of new discovery together. I wish I could write more, but I'm running late this morning!

    My thoughts are with you!

     
  • At 6:26 AM, Blogger D said…

    Dear Christi...what a great post to read! After all the struggles everyone has...and the extra specific ones you had...it's great to read such a heart-warming story. (And don't apologize for length! I was sad it was so short!) You're so blessed...and so is ZZ...so keep enjoying you time there!

    We love your posts, but don't post for us and miss out on your limited time there!

    May God continue to give you blessings each day!

    David

     
  • At 6:47 AM, Blogger Julia said…

    I was alternately laughing, crying and sighing through your whole post. You sound like a match made in Heaven... with a little help from the CCAA. :-)

     
  • At 6:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    It's so good to hear what you are feeling about little ZZ & how she is unfolding before your very eyes. I can just imagine the look on your face. Could you have ever imagined all of this that God had in mind before you left? He sure does keep His promises--does He not? I can't wait to meet the cutie pie when you get back home. I hope to be her favorite Auntie (after Cynthia & Avonlea)! Keep having such a wonderful time with your little sweetheart! This is a time of great blessing for you after the last 2 years--ENJOY! Mary

     
  • At 6:54 AM, Blogger Donna said…

    It sounds like you have been given the perfect baby for you...what a wonderful post. Thanks for sharing!

     
  • At 7:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Again, congratulations! So glad to hear that she (and you) are doing so well! Stephanie of Forks & Chopsticks

     
  • At 7:13 AM, Blogger Tamara said…

    Oh Christi- your post is a tear jerker. Thank you for sharing such deeply personal emotions.

     
  • At 7:17 AM, Blogger t~ said…

    What a beautiful post that made my heart sigh. You and ZZ are meant to be together. I loved hearing your journey of new discoveries together. Brag on....she deserves it!

    Can't wait to see more photos!

     
  • At 7:28 AM, Blogger Thumbelina's Mom said…

    I love hearing about your sweet baby girl. Congratulations!

     
  • At 7:33 AM, Blogger Margo, Bill, Liam, and Ella said…

    I am so happy for you. Katie is beautiful.
    Margo
    DH BIll
    DS Liam
    DD Ella (Yangdong DOB AUg 9-05)

     
  • At 7:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Oh Christi, this post made me cry. I can just feel the love oozing from your words. It sounds like ZZ is one amazing little girl and you are one amazing and lucky momma!! Enjoy this time together...

     
  • At 8:17 AM, Blogger 4D said…

    So wonderful! So happy to hear! Take in every moment. Each one is special.

    Keep smilin!

     
  • At 9:33 AM, Blogger ~ Alison said…

    What a beatiful post. Sounds like ZZ is reaping the benefits of your knowledge of attachment - you must've the books!

    The 'learning Mom' incidents u reference are so funny. U learn as you go - and u learn very quickly. I'm sure you & ZZ will continue to learn a lot from each other.

    We had one of those little nubby tooth brushes (Gerber?) - it came with a baby kit. It slipped over the end of a finger & was really little. We worked our way up to the electric Dora toothbrush that Mali currently uses.

    Enjoy that baby!! I hope she's feeling better soon.

    XoXoXo

     
  • At 9:41 AM, Blogger Abby's Mom said…

    Wonderful post! ZZ will treasure it someday. I'm so happy that you both have found each other!

     
  • At 9:42 AM, Blogger Susan said…

    What a sweet post! Enjoy every minute with your clever little girl.

     
  • At 9:49 AM, Blogger Kristin said…

    You sound so happy... what a blessed family you are.

     
  • At 11:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Beautiful.....

     
  • At 12:50 PM, Blogger Catherine said…

    Christi,

    God has truly blessed you with precious ZhouZhou and she with you! Thank you for sharing so many of the wonderful details that you did! What a treat to hear how well she's doing!

    Congrats Mommy!

     
  • At 1:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

     
  • At 1:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Oh, Christi, what a beautiful post. You should save a copy of it to read over and over again as a love letter to your daughter as the years go by. I'm so glad things are going so well for you!

     
  • At 2:09 PM, Blogger OziMum said…

    Thanks so much for sharing. The wonder of a new child, is always an awesome miracle! How is it that we can spend hours, just watching our kids (sleep!)! So glad you're enjoying your time in China, with Abbey. She sounds like such a sweetie.

     
  • At 3:04 PM, Blogger Nina said…

    I'm so thrilled for you, Christi!! Actually, I'm thrilled for both of you. You trusted the red thread (and God) and you are living your dream of mommyhood. Congratulations!

     
  • At 5:31 PM, Blogger C's Mom said…

    I love reading your posts! They are so uplifting to me.

    It helps all of us 'waiters' to see exactly the wonder we are waiting for :0)

     
  • At 5:47 PM, Blogger A said…

    Sigh.....I am so happy for you.

     
  • At 6:20 PM, Blogger RamblingMother said…

    How wonderful your post was. I so enjoyed reading of your emergence into yourself as being a mother. Isn't it fun? I love being mom to Glenys. You earned your mommy badge when you held her. You get the sticker for the toe and nail clippers. Hope ZZ feels better. Glenys had bronchitis too when I adopted her in July 05. The stress is just too much for the babies.

    Beverly & Glenys (my Wuzhou wonder)

     
  • At 6:26 PM, Blogger Meg said…

    long time reader, first time poster....she is beautiful! congratulations on your precious daughter....thank God you listened to your heart.......you are truly blessed.
    Meg

     
  • At 7:08 PM, Blogger Paulette said…

    It is so great to hear how wonderful she is doing. God had a plan, you obeyed and listened to him. You are such an inspiration to me in so many ways. Give ZZ a smooch for me.

     
  • At 10:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    you and Abbey have fun and ZZ is soooo darling!

     
  • At 10:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Don't ever worry about the posts being too long. They are what keep us conected to you two! I knew you would fall into motherhood beautifully and you are. Just trust your instincts- they have been right on so far! Greg used to "play" with a small baby toothbrush. It was one of his favorite things to chew on. It may help ZZ to get used to the feeling. Enjoy the rest of the trip!

     
  • At 3:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Dear Christi,

    Reading Reflections took me back 8 years ago when I was in China with my 14-month-old who also was more baby and less toddler and you're so right, giving them a missed babyhood is important for the child and for you! I remember rocking Brooke to sleep with her bottle and looking at her little body with her little legs and feet barely hanging over my right arm and imagining her growing and too big and long for holding as a baby. Yesterday, as I was waking her up, she crawled in my lap and I held her like I would a baby - this time, those little legs were long legs that almost touched the floor. Your Abbey sounds wonderful and is soaking up all the love that you are giving her and your reflections of a new mom are so poignant, reflective, and memorable. Thank you for this memory trip back to the most wonderful time in my life also!

    Bonnie

     
  • At 5:18 AM, Blogger Dori's Mommy (Diana) said…

    Just wonderful!

    I am so glad that I got the pleasure to meet you both in GZ!

    Safe & uneventful travels!

     
  • At 6:55 AM, Blogger 3 Countries 1 Love said…

    Christi...

    What a wonderful post. Before meeting Abbey you knew she was yours.....now you know more than ever that she was meant for you!!

    Congratulations,

    Shannon

     
  • At 7:15 AM, Blogger Ani said…

    congratulations again on your baby girl. what a beautiful post! a suggestion on the teeth-brushing:
    i have a 15-month old boy, who hates having his teeth brushed. one way i get around this is by giving him a baby toothbrush to hold. as with all else, he looks at it and puts it in his mouth, chews around it and then he'll let me briefly brush his 4 teeth. just a suggestion.

     
  • At 9:07 AM, Blogger Sofie said…

    What a fabulous, inspiring post! I had goose bumps the whole time I was reading it. I have been reading about attachment horror stories in an attempt to educate myself, it was so nice to read your inspiring beautifully written post! Thanks so much for sharing!

     
  • At 2:49 PM, Blogger Sandra said…

    Thank you for sharing this awesome write-up! You are truly blessed with having ZZ in your life!

     
  • At 3:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hello! I just wanted to say that I have visited your blog a few times, ie when you got your referral, and I am so enjoying hearing about Zhuozhuo. Don't worry that we don't want to hear about... it is so touching everything you write and all the little details about her sounds and smells and small victories. It sounds like you are doing just great, taking your time and letting things unfold. Congratulations on your daughter. She is very lucky to have a mom like you, just as you are lucky to have been united with her. :D

     
  • At 4:54 PM, Blogger its a long road said…

    I too am a long time reader and I have enjoyed reading your blog as you prepare for motherhood.

    Your heart has been so full of love for a child you didn't even know, it must be bursting now that you have her.

    You have made a life-changing decision and I am so happy that you have chosen to be a dedicated, loving mom to your new daughter.

    You certainly deserve this.

    Congratulations from Canada!

     
  • At 5:33 PM, Blogger Donna said…

    Christi, you go right about and brag about your beautiful baby...you deserve every bit of bragging rights!

    Thanks for such a wonderful post...I've got tears in my eyes just thinking about all the wonderful things I have to look forward to.

     
  • At 8:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I have loved following your blog.Your recent post brought back so many memories. My daughter now 10 yrs is also adopted from China. She has also followed your blog . I did however not let her read your last entry . The abandoment issue has not fully been addressed with her. The tossed away comment was one I could not deal let her read .For a lot of families this is a touchy issue. Please think about how Abbey would feel if she found out through a blog she had been tossed away.I wish you the best. I too am single and LOVE every minue of being a mom eventhough it can be hard at times.

     
  • At 8:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I have loved following your blog.Your recent post brought back so many memories. My daughter now 10 yrs is also adopted from China. She has also followed your blog . I did however not let her read your last entry . The abandoment issue has not fully been addressed with her. The tossed away comment was one I could not let her read .For a lot of families this is a touchy issue. Please think about how Abbey would feel if she found out through a blog she had been tossed away.I wish you the best. I too am single and LOVE every minue of being a mom eventhough it can be hard at times.

     
  • At 5:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You're so wonderful. ; )

     
  • At 5:21 PM, Blogger carolinagirl79 said…

    So happy for you.

     
  • At 5:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I loved every word! I can't wait for your next post.

    Laura

     
  • At 6:23 PM, Blogger Beeb said…

    Please don't stop gushing about your baby. I Love It!!!

     
  • At 6:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Congratulations! I am o happy for you! My cousin Donna (Waiting for Lauren) is waiting on her baby gilr, so I've enjoyed reading everyone's blogs. Many blessings to you and your little angel. Savor every minute of it, they grow way too fast!
    Karlene
    Jacksonville, FL

     
  • At 7:46 PM, Blogger Mardi said…

    Thank you so much for writing out your thoughts in this post. From a waiting mommy, waiting for her first child, it really helps to read of others experiences.

    Praying for you and for a safe and speedy return to the States! :)

     
  • At 7:54 PM, Blogger Ava Baby said…

    That was beautiful, Christi. As another soon-to-be-single-mom, I'm so glad to hear about what a wonderful experience this has been so far. Your daughter is absolutely beautiful and I'm very happy for you both. Best of Luck.
    Michele
    LID 9/26/05
    soon to be mom of Ava

     
  • At 10:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    So happy for you. ZZ is more beautiful in every picture, just like her mommy. Can't wait to talk to you when you get home!

    Hugs from TX, Pam

     
  • At 6:37 AM, Blogger The luckiest mommy in the world said…

    I really enjoyed reading every word of your heart felt love for your daughter. Can't wait to see pictures.

    Deb
    Canada
    (hoping for referral this month)

     
  • At 3:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Kristie, I am so overjoyed for you and Zhouhou. I hadn't been able to read your blog until today and it choked me up quite a few times. I can't wait to meet your daughter and we are so blessed that you both our part of our church family.
    Caitlin

     

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