Parenthood 101

Dear Friends,
I apologize for my lapse in blogging. I want to thank each and every one of you for all your kind words about my daughter. Your enthusiastic support has meant so much to me. This week has proved to be a very challenging one. The day after my referral I awoke at 4 a.m. in a lot of pain. I eventually went to the hospital due to kidney stones. Along with beginning the school year in my first grade teaching position I've had many other issues on my mind. I received my referral last Friday and of course was on Cloud 9 for a few days. On Monday I recieved her medical report translation and on Wednesday her growth report. I then submitted them to my pediatrician. He had some positive things to say but also pointed out some issues of potential concern. At that point I needed to sign the referral acceptance papers and FedEx them the next day, Thursday, so that my agency could send them to China on Friday. I decided to have Dr. Jane Aronson, international adoption specialist, do an expedited (and very pricey) review of my baby's file. I found out that evening that Dr. Aronson was not in the office and that her associate, who specializes in Russian adoption, would be doing the review. They have 4 categories they place referrals into. 1. Average - This covers the risks that we are all aware of with international adoptions. The babies have a normal health report from China with no known medical conditions. The majority of the referrals they see from China fall into this category. 2. Mild - One medical conditon. 3. Moderate - Two medical conditions. 4. Extreme - Three or more medical conditions. They have placed my referral in the mild to moderate risk category. There are some minor issues that would be treatable and then there is the potential that there are more serious concerns. Although there have been tears and moments of feeling nauseous, underneath it all I have felt a consistent sense of peace. My agency encouraged me to take my time exploring all the medical issues and suggested that I not return my paperwork with the group so that they could request a new referral if necessary. I felt that I should return my paperwork and stay the course with my referral. I already feel very attached to my daughter and the thought of another baby is not acceptable to me at this point. Needless to say, there has been a lot of soul-searching and prayer this week. My agency contacted China Thursday night about the situation but received back very little information except that they stand by what they have already written in the exam. I have asked my agency to contact China again this weekend to get additional information as suggested by the doctor. I signed my referral acceptance and it went to China yesterday. I've gone from the heights of excitement to a very sobering state of mind. Having spent the past few years praying about this adoption I do not believe that there would be a mistake in the child selected for me. I believe that God is at work and that He will guide and direct me as I move forward. I will stop this process if I feel that He is directing me to do so, but there have been many obstacles along my path and I have known that I should keep pressing through. In the words of "Amazing Grace"...Through many dangers, toils and snares, we have already come. Tis' grace that's brough us safe thus far, and grace will lead us on. I received an email last week with an interview from Pastor Rick Warren who authored the best selling book, The Purpose Driven Life . The year that his book skyrocketed was also the year that his wife was diagnosed with cancer. He said that he used to think that life was hills and valleys, going from a dark time to a mountaintop, back and forth. He now believes that life is not hills and valleys, but more like two rails on a railroad track, at all times you can have something good going on and something bad. He also says that God is more concerned in our character than our comfort. I could so relate to that this week, as my time of great joy has been tempered by the difficulties. As we know, the adoption process is not all ladybugs and cute outfits and what I am sharing with you now is part of the balance of issues that can arise. I already feel so much love for my daughter and want to respect her privacy by not going into the details of the medical concerns in a public forum but I can discuss things more privately through email. Right now I have 4 pages of emails that I have not yet responded to, but I will as I get back on my feet. I am now going to add my email address to my blogger profile. This situation has really caught me off guard and has very much felt like a shocking and freezing cold shower that you weren't expecting. I have thoroughly educated myself about Chinese adoption but was still under the impression that by being in the non-special needs program I would not receive a referral with known medical concerns. I am very aware that many people have unknown issues arise while in China and upon returning home. Of course this is true of biological children as well.
So this is my overdue update and I again want to say that I appreciate all of you.
Trusting God,
Christi