cherry blossom baby

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but desire fulfilled is a tree of life." Proverbs 13:12 Join the joyous journey to my baby in China!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Miss Abbey

Many of you have contacted me and asked about what is going on. Between floods, kidney stones, and a massive migraine Sunday and Monday, it's been all I could do to get through work and my other responsibilities. I think I am through the hard parts and the rest of my week should be easier.
Last Monday we were working on getting a CT scan for Abbey. As things unfolded it became clear that we would need to get permission from the CCAA before we did this. We had originally hoped it could be done quietly. After some initial emails to get the process started I had a little panic attack. I got really overwhelmed with the thought that Abbey could be withdrawn from the adoption process. I quickly decided that was risk I was not willing to take. I began to feel like the CT was sort of like an amniocentices. If I know this is my daughter then why does it matter now what issues there may or may not be? I also felt very badly at the thought of her being on a train for 3 1/2 hours each way and then undergoing a proceedure like that without me. We will just do whatever we need to do here. This has been an agonizing process for me. It's not something I could decide in a split second. It's something I've had to work through, and I am still doing that. We sang a song at church Sunday that says "with troubles and fears so near me" and that is exactly where I've been, facing huge fears. In the last few days I've been reminded that if I could see things as they really are, God has much more power surrounding me and these fears are gonna have to go. The fear of not having her in my life was much worse than the worries about all the medical concerns. I just got to the point where I told the Lord, I would rather have this child, come what may, than have any other baby. No one else could fill that place that is in my heart for her now.

37 Comments:

  • At 9:29 PM, Blogger Eliza2006 said…

    Abbey is one lucky girl to have a mother like you! Isn't it amazing how you can feel so deeply in love and connected to your child so quickly? I would walk through fire for my little girl and we haven't even met yet. I wish you and Abbey the best.

    Tiffany

     
  • At 9:42 PM, Blogger Paulette said…

    Little Miss Abby,
    I just want you to know what a wonderful mother you have. She has and will go to the end of the earth for you to have everything you need and her love will be with you forever.

    Christy you are an incredible mother!

     
  • At 3:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    So glad to read about what is going on, praying for you and Abbey,

    love Leo

     
  • At 5:07 AM, Blogger Stephanie said…

    I agree with eliza2006 - your daughter will recieve all the love and support she needs from you. You two are going to be GREAT together!

     
  • At 5:20 AM, Blogger C's Mom said…

    You are the epitome of what a mother should be. It didn't take long for you to be tested but now you know exactly what you are made of....and it's great stuff.

    I hope you get a break with your health and home concerns, get some rest before winging your way to China.

    You remain in my thoughts and prayers!

     
  • At 5:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I am so happy that you found some peace..and that you are feeling better (physically). I can see in Abbey's eyes that what she needs most is her Mommy! :) Keeping you two in my prayers.

     
  • At 5:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I agree, what a fortunate little girl Abbey is to have a mother with so much faith and love. You inspire me Christi, truly.

     
  • At 5:54 AM, Blogger Robin said…

    Christy, I've been following your blog for some time now and I'm glad to see you are back online. I agree with everyone else here. Abbey is a very lucky little girl to be getting a mommy like you but how blessed are you to be given Abbey. I know there are hnknowns ahead but God must have felt that YOU are exactly what Abbey needed. I can't wait to follow your journey. I'll be keeping you both in my prayers. God Bless

     
  • At 6:02 AM, Blogger Amy said…

    Great... now you made me CRY!
    *BIG HUGS FROM BOSTON*

    Abbey is SO BLESSED to have YOU as her Mother & you are doubly blessed to have that sweet little girl as your daughter.
    You're right you know, God does have a plan & he would not have sent ABBEY to you if he didn't hand pick her for all the RIGHT reasons! *smile*

    WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOO ABBEY MOMMY'S COMING TO GET YOU BABY!

     
  • At 6:26 AM, Blogger D said…

    Glad to know you've come to a place with a little more peace about it...and I'm sure the fears can be overwhelming...but it's amazing the things you can get through. God will guide you and Abbey will be blessed!

     
  • At 6:41 AM, Blogger Nina said…

    Christi, I'm so glad you could come to a decision that you feel at peace with, and that feels so right. Congratulations, and we'll look forward to watching your journey to China and to meeting Abbey when you return!!

     
  • At 6:50 AM, Blogger Donna said…

    It just shows that someone was watching out when they placed Abbey with you...you're the mother she needs. I know everything will be fine, especially after you get her back home with you!

     
  • At 7:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hi Christi,

    I am so thrilled to be traveling with you. I think you will be such an inspiration.

    Abbey looks so bright eyed in the picture. Lets hope that all of your worries are unnecessary ones, and that happens alot in life!

    This whole process has been so so stressful. It will feel like a dream when we finally hold our girls!

    Nanette

     
  • At 7:36 AM, Blogger Abby's Mom said…

    Christy, I so admire your faith and the strength and courage that you continue to show. I too believe that God has a plan for each of us. I will continue to pray for you and Abbey as you make your wonderful journey together.

     
  • At 7:51 AM, Blogger Sandra said…

    Christi - your strength and faith are such an inspiration. Abbey is absolutely precious and so fortunate to have you for a mom, just as you are going to be such a blessing in her life.

     
  • At 7:52 AM, Blogger Sandra said…

    Christi - your strength and faith are such an inspiration. Abbey is absolutely precious and so fortunate to have you for a mom, just as you are going to be such a blessing in her life.

     
  • At 8:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I agree with ruby cate.....
    Wooooo hooooo. And by the way, her picture is adorable!!
    Cynthia

     
  • At 8:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Been wondering what was happening and so glad that you are at peace with your decision.
    Abbey is adorable and continuing to pray that she won't need a ct.
    She is your amazing daughter and you will be an amazing mommy.
    Whhooo hoo go pack, celebrate and keep the faith.
    Abbey is lucky and you are lucky. Abbey will teach you things you never thought possible. Hang in there, everything will be alright. God lead you to Abbey.
    Kathleen

     
  • At 9:43 AM, Blogger Angel said…

    Abbey is a very lucky little girl indeed. I'm so glad you've found peace. I can't wait to meet you and Abbey in Guangzhou.

     
  • At 11:17 AM, Blogger Dawn and Dale said…

    I think I have visited your blog once or twice before, but I wanted to post today that I am praying for your little one and your blog and your thoughts and words, have truly inspired me today as I'm go through a little bit of a "down" time.

    I am a very thankful lady and I'm blessed to have found your site this morning.

     
  • At 2:13 PM, Blogger Julia said…

    I so agree with everything everyone has said before me. You and Abbey are both very lucky to have found each other. My prayers will be with you during your journey to bring her home.

     
  • At 4:03 PM, Blogger Joannah said…

    You are an awesome mom! I so admire your faith and resilience through these difficult weeks. This little girl is going to bless your life and the lives of so many others. God is much bigger than our worries and concerns. I know He's going to do amazing things for you and Abbey.

    I hope you are taking good care of yourself, Christi! Rest as much as you can. ((hugs))

     
  • At 5:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Christi, what an awesome mom you are. Abbey is one lucky little girl. I am glad you read Matt's post. I hope it brought you some comfort. Many, many hugs to you....

     
  • At 6:37 PM, Blogger t~ said…

    You are a wonderful mom and God wouldn't bring this baby into your life without already knowing the plan for Abbey. May you be surrounded by the peace that surpasses all understanding and enjoy the trip to China.

    Your in my thoughts and prayers!

     
  • At 8:45 PM, Blogger Donna said…

    Christie,

    You are one strong and brave women!! You haven't even held your daughter, yet you are making such unselfish decisions and putting her best interests first and foremost.

    You truly embody the meaning of motherhood.

    Hugs and best wishes...
    Donna

     
  • At 8:36 AM, Blogger Elise said…

    Christy,

    Abbey is so blessed to have you as her mother!!! God will be with you every step of the way! I am so excited to watch your journey very soon. I agree with the others, you are such an inspiration! I will also be praying for you both.

    Elise

     
  • At 4:59 PM, Blogger Tamara said…

    Oh Christy- what a big hearted Mommy Abbey is getting. You can feel the love you have for her in every word you write. I sure hope you get to feeling better because you sure don't want to worry with your health while in China.

     
  • At 5:33 PM, Blogger RoLo said…

    Thinking of you and sending you lots of positive thoughts while you wait to go and get Abbey.

     
  • At 7:02 PM, Blogger SARA said…

    Your post touched my heart. I will keep you and Abbey in my prayers.
    *hugs*

     
  • At 7:25 PM, Blogger 3 Countries 1 Love said…

    Christy,
    Miss Abbey will thrive in your care. Why? Because of a four letter word.......LOVE! My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you and Abbey.
    Shannon

     
  • At 9:42 AM, Blogger A said…

    Christi--I think saying the last few weeks have been eventful for you is an understatement. I am sorry that you have had all of these health problems on top of the deep concern you have for Abbey.

    The close up picture that you posted is very cute. Her cheeks look so soft and kissable!!! I know you are ready to just hold her and kiss every square inch of that cute face.

    I am glad that you have reached a place where you have a peace about what to do. The hope and promise you will bring to Abbey will be priceless. Blessings on you both.

     
  • At 9:13 AM, Blogger Daniel's Customs said…

    I wanted to pass a link on to you:
    http://www.gwca.org/index.php?q=gallery&g2_itemId=10&g2_page=8
    Take a look at the "Then and Now" gallery - it shows the transformation that happens when children receive the love and care they need - it's amazing.
    Amy S.

     
  • At 2:10 PM, Blogger Kristin said…

    Christy, your words are something that every person adopting from China should read... your willingness to accept the unknown and love your daughter unconditionally is what being a parent is all about.

    It's going to be wonderful.

     
  • At 9:23 PM, Blogger Deb said…

    Christi,
    I am so sorry for everything that you have been going through! Once Abbey is in your arms, you will know that she is the one that God chose for you! Without a doubt!!! :)You will certainly be in our prayers in the coming weeks! We are so excited for you in your next step of the journey!

     
  • At 10:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Everything will work out fine. Abbey is obviously meant to be yours and It sounds like you will be a caring and awesome mom.

     
  • At 5:57 AM, Blogger 4D said…

    What an amazing spirit and strength you have. For some reason, I was not getting the updates on your blog. Now I am caught up.

    Keep smilin!

     
  • At 6:05 AM, Blogger 4D said…

    P.S. She is such a cutie pie!

     

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